Doldrums of Winter & The Tiny Joys

I haven't posted recently because... well, I didn't like anything I've started to write. This winter is a slow crawl of chilly days strung together with doctor appointments for Matt. Any myself. And too many COVID tests. The stress of having a medically delicate kid during another pandemic peak has been a lot. We are figuring things out, grateful to live near a top hospital with specialists who are able to tease apart symptoms and test results, build a plan to manage all of this. There is hope. But every time I have started a post recently I waffle between ignoring it all for the sake of being SUPER POSITIVE (EVERYTHING IS FINE! GREAT! WONDERUL! HAHAHAHAHA LA LA LA! I am only acknowledging the life I want to live and manifest!) or going way too far into how stressed and tired I am and it re-reads as... kind of overwhelming? Depressing and a bit whiney? 

I want to be honest without throwing a pity party. And honestly... January and February are just plain tough months on their own. The normal winter bugs, the lack of sunlight, the freezing temperatures outside and the irritating dry air indoors. Polar vortexes, ice storms, winds that rattle the house. Add in our current COVID crisis (omicron is finally calming down in NJ but the numbers are still high compared to fall), the looming deadline to de-mask in schools, supply chain issues (shopping at multiple grocery stores to find the basics every week is getting old), all the juggling of working full time and motherhood and a chronically ill child home for sick days frequently... I'm tired. I'm more than tired. I have been living in a state of chaos and stress and winter for so long now that I have new lines on my face and my hair looks terrible and I'm always cold. 

I'm fighting the winter blues with small joys. Every morning the sun shines through the kitchen and dining room windows making tiny rainbows from the prisms. Random and cheap spring bulbs from Trader Joe's are providing the spring scent of hyacinths when I work at the table. Little bouquets of flowers from the greenhouse are bringing me a lot of joy. We've made homemade caramel, played lots of board games, watched new movies, gone sledding, taken long winter walks, made snowflakes and valentines. There are many bright spots when I look for them. 

Other joys include... more flowers! Now that it's February, I'm starting my ranunculus bulbs I ordered in the Fall. Last year I ordered them for spring, but they didn't arrive until mid-April and it was too warm. The corms didn't do well because it grew too hot too quickly and they rotted. Fingers crossed that these do better. They are one of my favorite flowers, but difficult to grow in the Northeast. I'm hoping that starting these now, in the greenhouse, will give me a real ranunculus growing season. 

And speaking of favorite flowers... dahlias. It's no fun being practical or reasonable when it comes to dahlias (or any flower tbh), but I did not order any new dahlia bulbs this year. GASP. I know. This was hard for me. But it came down to three reasons: 1) I have way too many dahlia bulbs already in multiple crates, 2) I couldn't decide which one I would remove from the flower cutting bed if I had a new one to bring in, and 3) I spent so much time waffling thanks to the first two reasons, my top two choices sold out. So we're going to pretend I didn't get new bulbs this year for practical and reasonable reasons. And truly it's for the best because I have no idea where I would put new dahlias right now, let alone where I'm going to fit the bulbs I have already. This year I need to give some serious thought to additional dahlia/flower space this year if I want more. 

I did order my seeds for spring and summer and am planning out the garden. Going through a big stack of seed catalogs keeps me going in the winter - even if I don't need to order much. The garden is going to be pretty similar to last year with a few tweaks I think. I'm REALLY looking forward to getting my tomato and flower seeds started in a few weeks! 

Spring hurry up, I'm ready for the doldrums of winter to be over.