Dear March 2020 me,
Let's start with the bad news: It's worse than you imagined. Your fears and worries are valid, and the suspicion that this shut down is going to last more than a few weeks is correct. NJ will be hit hard, and this pandemic is going to last months, not weeks. Life is nowhere near back to normal a year later.
You will be scared. You will be anxious. You will worry about everyone's safety and health. You will be angry at those who aren't taking this seriously. You will feel isolated, like we are living in a terrarium, you will miss your family and friends. You will constantly worry about your children. Are they coping okay? Are they safe? Will this permanently damage them? You will marvel at their adaptability, at their ability to make the best of hard circumstances. You will feel loss. You will grieve. You will overthink every little decision. You will be angry and heartbroken, you will be outraged at the relentless cruelty and injustice in this country. You will face financial hardships. You will reevaluate everything. You will feel helpless, and yet you will prove yourself to be strong.
You will face down more challenges than you ever thought possible. You will spend most of this year struggling with chronic illness, feeling like your body is betraying you. You will be knocked down more times than is fair and you still won't get any real answers. You will have to balance being a mother, teacher and full time employee simultaneously for months on end, never able to find enough hours in the day. You will be flummoxed by second grade math. You will feel like a failure more times than you can count. You will question your sanity.
And yet... you will find the light in the darkness and paint your days with silver linings, because that is who you are. Every time you get knocked down, you will get back up and fight to get your strength back. You will find solace and sanctuary in the backyard gardens and sunshine. Fall in love with having a backyard pool. Forge local friendships from these circumstances that might have not flourished otherwise. Know that your marriage is a strong one. Watch a true brotherly bond solidify between the boys, who might not have been as close due to their age difference. Marvel and celebrate each of the boy's accomplishments a little harder, a little longer.
You will learn. You will grow. You will take the leap and dye your hair platinum blond, because no one will see it if it looks terrible (don't worry, it's cute). You will spend more time creating, drawing, meditating, learning about plants and herbs, wellness and energy. You will read over a hundred books. You will finally get the greenhouse you've dreamed of and be surrounded by plants all year long. You will find joy in simple things. And most importantly, you will make it through the year in one piece.
Hang in there,
You in March 2021
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