Jan 9, 2013

To My Mom

"here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
                                                    -ee cummings


My mother passed away just after Christmas.

She bravely battled an aggressive form of lymphoma for 15 months. I am sad and I am grieving, we were very close. She was a truly amazing woman, friend and mother. I miss her so much.

I don't usually post a lot about personal issues here, but her passing has effected me in so many ways. Right now it's hard enough just to get back to a regular routine. Be a good mom, take care of my family, keep the house from falling apart and go to work every day. Honestly I feel a little lost. I'm going to be sporadic in my posting again for a while. I need to just remember to breathe and find my way back right now.


  1. Oh Alissa. I'm so sorry. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 19. We just lost my mother-in-law to cancer in June. While I don't know every thing you are feeling, I can identify with feeling lost and wanting to keep taking care of your family while you swim through the grief. It's not easy and I can't promise you it will ever be the same, but I can say that it will get better. We don't know each other very well, but I'm always available to talk if you need someone who's "been there." Mike and Oliver will definitely be the best source of support and I'm so glad you have them. Hang in there.

  2. I'm so sorry for your loss...I too am here on the listening end, A blog is an extension of your person, and we all subscribe to listen..

  3. I am so very sorry. So young. You mentioned her often in your posts. She remains a part of you and will help you raise your little boy, as her example taught. God bless.

  4. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

    Even though she was sick for a long time, her passing was a shock to me and my family. We never stopped believing that she would make it through until the day she entered hospice status. My mother was a fighter, she had a lot to fight for.

    Every day is different, every hour is different. I am grateful for the time we had together and I am grateful she had 6 months with Oliver. I wish we had many more years together, but that's always how it is, no matter when it happens.

  5. Alissa I've been following your blog for a while now and decided to ``check in'' today. I'm so so sorry to hear about your loss. Remember the good times and the incredible life she made for you and take time to grieve...it's all part of the healing process.


  6. Please know that you and your family are in my heart, and that you do have support from across the blogosphere